Balance by Jehana Silverwing

WHO'S GOT IT: WHO'S HOT, WHO'S NOT

Once I used to think something was missing for those people who chose to search for their spiritual path in all-women or in all-gay environments. Not that I ever wanted to change their decision for them; to me that seemed unethical, and possibly even just a tad presumptuous. I didn't have a long philosophical rationale for my thoughts of discomfort; quite frankly I didn't think about it all that often. I did feel they were missing out on something, but I didn't think about it deeply. My thoughts may well have been a residue of reaction against an all-girls' parochial school upbringing.

This viewpoint has gradually shifted, as I grow more aware of the diverse needs of people, and especially as I look more deeply into the assumptions and arguments that have been advanced against the validity of such separatist groups. While in general there does seem to be a welcome Craft acceptance that people can search for their spirituality in any fashion they desire, this is frequently overlaid with a more subtle bias or preference towards non-separatist covens or groups as being an all-round "better" way.

1) How can a woman exclude one-half of the human race, by not admitting men into her coven or working group?

I have seen very few covens of more than a dozen people. By the very nature of a coven, nearly all of the human race is excluded. Note also that at least one tenth of the population in America is black. If we are striving for a good representation of men as well as women, shouldn't we be recruiting for more African Americans in each coven? (I would indeed like to see more blacks and other ethnic groups in Wicca, if that is their calling.) Every coven misses out on a lot of good and worthwhile people from a variety of backgrounds and experiences.

2) But what about balance? One can only achieve that balance by admitting both male and female energy.

If you say so. If you say so, then by all means form that kind of coven. If you believe magic or worship will only work in one certain way, then for you these will only work in that one certain way. There's a certain constricting dogmatism which comes if we assume these things which work for ourselves must therefore work for others. If male/female energy balance works for you, it works. Separatism works as well, utilizing other concepts of energy balance and synergy formation. Each to his/her own.
What is balance?

The basic idea, simplified, is that opposites can be in harmony with each other.

Those who hold that this is maintained by a balancing of male and female forces tend to see the world in dualistic fashion. There is male/female active/passive forceful/receptive hot/cold, all seen as opposites of each other. Some people see all this opposition as a kind of Pagan yin/yang (words also denoting female/male, taken from Oriental philosophy, and also simplified). These people also hold that male and female energies, while workable into a harmonic balance, are separate and distinct (which follows if one treats them as polarities). It is worth noting that in most of the Oriental philosophies the idea is to overcome these and other distinctions, finding a more holistic ground, going beyond polarity.

In my observation of 13 plus years in the Craft, the only real energy oppositions are NOT in the gender of the participants, but in the patterns each individual has in dealing with energy. Some people use it focusedly; some people blast it anywhere like a leaky radiator. THAT's opposition, and that type of opposition certainly doesn't balance. Another sort of destructive and unbalanced opposition in covens is found when individuals work their workings in Circle at loggerheads to one another.

There's another kind of energy opposition that works well when one person is concentrating on receiving healing (or whatever) energies, while the others are sending; a balance of giving/receiving energies. If balanced correctly, no one overloads, and no one gets drained.

Yes, different people give off different energies. Some energies I wouldn't join up into with a ten foot battle lance. Some energies are quite homey and comforting. Other valuable energies are quite dynamic and persuasive. Indeed, every individual within that Circle gives off her or his own special set of energies: a balance in synergy of all those multiple energies is obtained in the most potent of Circles, and is the goal of many covens. The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.

Quite possibly, the average man gives off a differing energy than the average woman. The keyword here is average: The average man is taller than the average woman, and I'm taller than the average man. If statistics and magical energy are things that can be brought up in the same sentence, who can say if these distinctions are statistically different? Who cares?

3) You're off-topic.

Perhaps. Tell me, though, how is a woman the opposite of a man? We're both human. Is an apple an opposite of a pear? Physicists know that cold and hot are not opposites; hot is just a bunch of molecules moving faster than cold. And then, for all of us women to be saddled with sometimes-lesser descriptors such as "receptive" "passive" "negative" -- no thanks. I wouldn't want to reverse these arbitrary and limiting labels for my benefit, either.

Within each of us are the attributes (in varying amounts) commonly associated with "masculine" and "feminine" -- each of us are made up of some levels of passivity, some levels of activity. We each have light and dark portions to ourselves. Along with a myriad of other attributes.

I'm not interested in polarity, per se. I'm glad most covens have been getting away from the old male-female-male-female all around the altar routine. Sooner or later participating in all this active/male-receptive/female stuff turns me passive-aggressive. I see how this dichotomy leads some into that old "good-evil" thing that many Christians and other religious adherents sometimes do. Why are things paired off into opposition? Why not into triads? Or quintads? It would take more imagination to make it work, but imagination is a virtue to be cultivated, yes? There are outlooks that do see things in terms of three -- the Druids, what little is really known of them, come to mind as proponents of the triad view. Some Norse material has been explained in terms of "thesis - antithesis - synthesis", which takes a dual underpinning a significant step further. The honoring of Maid/Mother/Crone is the honoring of a triad point of view. And it is not for nothing that tripods are as stable as they are.

4) Ah, but women are historically and biologically those who give birth to new life, out of their wombs. Men don't. This is a nature religion which celebrates that. So, you need to honor fecundity, and the role of women with men.

Our religion, although its antecedents are important, also lives in todays' world. While Earth's fertility, in all of its diversity, is still valuable, our literal human fecundity is now getting our world into trouble. We busily insist on male/female balance in our Great Rites, keeping that diaphragm or condom firmly in place. If we are merely hearkening back to fecundity, insisting only on that good ole male-female, we'd better throw off the condom, and ignore those of us who are incapable of giving birth for whatever physiological reason. I'm not trying to say that literal fecundity shouldn't be celebrated, if that is what a person or coven desires, but that there is a strong validity in looking at other pictures, and in knowing that there ARE other pictures.

We also may wish to consider other ramifications of being part of a nature religion. Nature's out there evolving all the time. What was a useful idea back in the good old days isn't necessarily a useful idea today. Our population is popping its seams. It may be time for some of us to examine a new paradigm. Our religion(s), no matter what its history, might do well to evolve, as does nature. Keep in mind that evolution is not a unilateral process where everything changes at monochrome identical rates. Keep in mind that evolution is driven by discrete needs which may vary in different locales. No, this is not a call to ditch things randomly; but it is a call to consider approaching those things we've been given from history with a sense of discernment.

Most groups I know at least at some point honor the fecundity of creativity, the fecundity of inspiration, the fecundity of finding solutions. This sort of fecundity knows no gender limits.

Not incidentally, such assumptions, meaning that it is only the male- female sex rite which is celebrated, leaves gays and lesbians out in the cold. When it comes time to consider this focus of the Craft, many gays and lesbians are often left out. In a non-statistical readers' survey reported in Green Egg (issue 93), there were 26% gay, lesbian and bisexual respondents. (Even if the numbers were really "only" five percent, rethinking of unconscious assumptions is a worthwhile endeavor. Getting into numbers games defeats the realities of actual individuals, who "count" more than numbers.) For some, even the "lover/beloved" dualism puts too much into the old "active/passive" roles. Is the passive "beloved" the equivalent of the "female"? It is worthwhile noting that in some cultures this active/passive (read: lover/beloved) association with male/female is so ingrained that it is not considered homosexuality for the male to take the "active" role in male to male sex.

5) Okay, okay, but why do they have to close others out? Why gay-only Circles? Why women-only Circles?

First and obviously, not all gays and not all women are in separatist covens. And, if some are, so what?

A spiritual journey requires both challenge and comfort.

Most people find it important to work in a safe space. For many, this is defined by the type of people they choose to work with. While in that safe space, supported by a strong network of people with whom they feel comfortable, they can both build their strength in synergy, and take the risks they need to take. Women who have found themselves intimidated by men by either attitude or by actual abuse may be drawn to women-only groups. Gays and lesbians who are tired of having to deal with assumptions of male/female polarity or assumptions that gay rights are not really a major issue may feel more of that synergy in gay-only groups. Magic and energy and even worship are not gender-specific. People who have been burnt by conscious or unconscious biases may gravitate towards an environment more conducive to their needs. Individuals may find a certain type of focus or camaderie to be their necessary space. Obviously, interpersonal conflict can and does exist in any style of coven. The goal is seldom to shut others out, per se. The goal is to enrich themselves in whatever environment feels most "right". Ideally, we all select the coven that is the best fit for each of us. We all try to bring in the elements we want and need, eliminating the rest, whether it is a women's only coven, or a "mixed" one.

6) What about exclusionary workshops? They don't involve the intimacy of a coven?

I used to have a problem with them. I got over it.

Many workshops are geared as being an introductory space for people. On a different scale, and in differing ways than in a coven, comfort/challenge parameters may also be of importance here. They may also be of importance and interest to longer-term Craft participants, for many of the same reasons elicited above.

However, the question of separatism at a workshop boils down to one issue: what intent the workshop organizer or facilitator has for the workshop. If the facilitator feels such exclusion holds merit for what she or he proposes to accomplish, the decision rests in that person's hands. If, say, a woman has a problem with attending women's-only space under the stated circumstances, she likewise has the perfect right not to attend the particular function.

7) Why are you defending the right to exclusion when you, yourself, are not in an separatist coven such as we've been talking about?

Because of all the reasons above. Because I celebrate diversity, and by celebrating diversity, I needs must celebrate the fact that there ARE the many choices: womens' only groups; gay-only groups; "mixed" groups; groups oriented towards the expression of male-female fertility. Traditionalists and eclectics all have their role to play, and their value to impart. And so forth. This enriches us all. As a polytheist my religion would to me be just hollow form if I did not acknowledge and revel in this diversity. For me, polytheism is a way of life that touches on all levels far beyond and far deeper than the outer form expressed as mere worship of multiple divinities.

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(An earlier version of Balance originally published in TIDES)

Author's Website: Pour Down Like Silver Email: jehana@candledark.net.
(Document Copyright as Freeware 1993, revised 1996, by Jehana Silverwing, jehana@candledark.net. Permission is hereby granted to reprint the text of this document in its entirity. My name and this notice must remain intact.)

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